1. Notre Dame defeating USC.
Notre Dame is the only entity in the universe that can advance from moribundity* to underratedness* based purely on faith. Well, I believe in nothing. And I will celebrate USC's inevitable 35-3 victory by awaiting a blogger's mea culpa while ordering the lingonberry pancakes.
2. Glenn Beck displaying unfettered emotion.
Seriously. Dude has to be all cried out; socialism really takes its toll on this guy's ducts. Watch this clip. It's like Mad Men meets In Treatment, if both of those shows were produced by a clinically insane hobo.
3. Another child of reality-show alchemists attempting to escape the absurdity of his own existence by pretending to abscond in the literal manifestation of a tin-foil hat, thereby monopolizing several hours of myopic cable news coverage**, only to be proven the perpetrator of a hoax, found hiding in the Ark of the Covenant in the attic, and suffering through intestinal distress on national television while essentially confessing to his parents' role in a publicity fraud.
Well, OK, this could happen. But I'd put it at 3-1 against.
*Editor's note: This word may not exist, but it should.
**There is something poetic about a cable-talk show host named Wolf fretting over the fate of a child named Falcon. It is sort like a Native American folk tale, as authored by Larry King.