Wednesday, March 10, 2010

On Inconsequential Things That Matter To Me (Coreys Edition)

1. Hudson

Oh, even though I have never actually heard her croon anything before, I have no doubt that this Hudson woman will perform a perfectly acceptable version of "One Shining Moment," the paean to meteors that punctuates the NCAA tournament each year. And this is exactly my fear. I don't want Idol-esque performance art when it comes to "One Shining Moment";* I want to revel in the raw brilliance of the song itself. The reason "One Shining Moment" exists is the same reason sitcom theme songs existed in the 1980s; this is why I prefer the original Shining Moment, as sung by the irrepressibly demented man who dreamed big enough to actually write it.** Bring back David Barrett, I say! NO ONE KNOWS HOW HARD HE WORKED!***

2. Haim

Before I disappear from cyberspace for a few days, here is the definitive, indisputable, inarguable list of the top five Corey Haim films of all time, in order:

5. Dream a Little Dream 2****
4. License to Drive (mostly for the girl with the crimped hair who may or may not have been in Meet the Parents)
3. Goonies*****
2. Lucas (though that whole football storyline always makes me unbelievably sad.)
1. The Lost Boys (because I never regarded lo mein the same way again.)

 *By the way, I turned on American Idol for the first time in my recent existence last night, only to find an earnest teenage girl belting out a version of Carole King's "I Feel the Earth Move" while rocking a Cindy Brady wig. It was, for those three minutes, as if I were stranded amid the detritus of a Carnival Cruise show gone horribly wrong. Even that unstable female judge groping Simon's collarbone seemed perplexed.
**In twenty minutes.
***For twenty minutes.
****This is the one where Haim puts a bullet in Fredo, yes?
*****I realize he was not in Goonies, but I honestly thought he was. And at this point, he might as well have been.

No comments: