On Inconsequential Things That Matter To Me (Turtle Edition)

1. How To Make It In America

I have no cogent explanation as to why I am still watching this show; with the exception of Martha Plimpton, it is a manifestation of everything I despise about A.) New York, and B.) television itself. Victor Rasuk's performance is so inherently terrible, he makes Jerry Ferrara seem emotionally nuanced by comparison. (Here's an idea: Let's create a version of Entourage for metrosexual pseudo-artistic bozos!) And yet this is the best proof yet that I am a serial television watcher; I cannot watch shows starting in the middle of their run, and if I start from the beginning, I have trouble stopping. It's as if I'm afraid I might miss some crucial scene where New Yorkers I cannot stand engage in a series of quasi-hipster activities that make me want to ram a taxicab through a Barney's warehouse sale. Anyway, the theme song's kind of awesome.

2. Slow Play

Here's the thing about this New York Times story on end-of-game tedium: Nobody's ever going to stop fouling when trailing in the final minutes of a game, no matter what rules changes are applied. And in fact, I don't see why they should--if anything, the double bonus should be repealed, the shot clock shortened, the game extended as much as possible.* It should be a challenge to finish off a basketball game; why shouldn't a team have to make free throws to finish off a game? The thing that bores people about the final minute of the game is not that it goes too slow; the thing that bores people is that with the double bonus, and the 35-second shot clock, the deck is stacked against a comeback.

3. Biden!

I love that we've advanced from an imperialistic vice president who reeked of sulfur and fired shotguns at his friends' probosci and swore profane vengeance on senators, to a vice president who utilizes profanity like a great uncle at a family barbecue.

*Except the time-outs. Each team should be allowed zero full time-outs in the final two minutes, and two 30-second time-outs; the rest should be used only to stop the clock.

(Photo: Mitchell Layton/Getty Images)