Wednesday, April 7, 2010
On Inconsequential Things That Matter To Me (Midwest Edition)
Astute commentor Panicstreak raised the question as to how the Alt-Universe in which Gordon Hayward sinks that 40-foot jumper would play out. Would it be bigger than Flutie's Hail Mary? (A: Yes, because the Flutie game occurred during the regular season.) Would it be bigger than Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard Round the World"? (A: Yes, because Thomson's home run was not widely televised and copiously replayed.) Hayward's shot would be mashed up on YouTube, incorporate into hip-hop lyrics, and used as a shorthand for good triumphing over evil. Hayward's shot, if it goes in, has the athletic signifiance of Star Wars. The only play with more potential long-term significance than Gordon Hayward's Hypothetical Game-Winner would be the David Tyree Catch, which will, over time, probably be regarded as one of the three most famous plays in NFL history. The only difference between the two is that Tyree held on to the ball. And Hayward missed by three f-ing inches.
I cannot explain why Rod Blagojevich chose to appear on The Celebrity Apprentice any more than I can explain why I continue to watch TCA, despite its eight-hour running time. With the possible exception a celebrity chef I've never heard of, everyone on that show is utterly loopy, but none more than Blago, who (spoiler alert!) was tossed from the Donald's boardroom this week for not knowing how to activate a computer. I used to give politicians who uttered banal idiocies the benefit of the doubt, but after watching Blagojevich bumble and gladhand his way through midtown Manhattan, after watching Blagojevich fail to make a single crucial decision about anything over the course of four weeks, those days are over. My baseline assumption is that at least 40 percent of politicians are essentially functional illiterates with good hair and a firm handshake. I used to believe that James Inhofe was a cynical power broker working in clever tandem with the energy establishment to debunk global warming; now I have to imagine he really believes the sun is plugged into a socket in the Gobi Desert.
3. David Remnick
No reason, except this book will most likely be excellent. And I'd like to work for him someday, so I'm going to mention him gratuitiously.
(Photo: John Biever/SI)