Friday, January 22, 2010

On Jarringly Specific Predictions For This Weekend's Games

A.) Mark Sanchez throws for 167 yards, one touchdown, and three interceptions. He also loses a key fumble in the third quarter which leads to an Indianapolis touchdown pass from Peyton Manning to Austin Collie.

B.) Manning throws for 312 yards and two touchdowns. He does throw a second-quarter interception to Kerry Rhodes, after which he is captured on the sideline, examining photographs and frowning.

C.) Reggie Bush returns a punt 83 yards to the Minnesota 3-yard line.

D.) Adrian Peterson fails to score on a halfback dive play, and on second down, the Vikings run play action, with Brett Favre throwing a touchdown pass to Visante Shiancoe. Deadspin's editors utilize this opportunity to make gratuitous jokes about Shiancoe's genitalia.

E.) Favre takes a hard shot to the ribs in the second quarter, limps to the sideline, argues briefly with this guy, and then leads his team on a 12-play, 76-yard touchdown drive. When it ends, he thrusts both arms skyward, then winces. Upon witnessing this, somebody in the broadcast booth utters the word "fun."

F.) A major sports columnist describes this Super Bowl matchup as "potentially the greatest in history."

G.) A major sports blogger describes this Super Bowl matchup as "a great big bag of fail."

1 comment:

Your escalator operator said...

I'd like to see the networks' so-called experts make prognostications like this. I think the Peterson/Shiancoe goal-to-go scenario is almost a lead-pipe lock. Nice going.